Hear Me

Hear me, listen to me.
My heart is breaking.
It is in tiny pieces.
It hurts.
Please listen.
Let me tell you about MY pain.

You don't hear me.
I talk but you talk over me.
Its like talking to myself.
You didn't hear.
Oh, I hear you.
I hear you go on about
what happened to you.
I listen to you.
I take on your pain.
I take on the pain,
You tell me.
The pain of another person,
That you did hear.

Let me try again.
Maybe it's me.
Please hear me.
I need to be heard.
I know if one will hear me,
I will feel better.

No, it's useless.
You only have ears for another.

Wait, someone is listening.
Someone hears me.
My words pour out as
I'm heard.
I cry.
I cry with relief.
I've carried my pain alone for so long.
Now someone takes on my pain.
I'm heard.
I fall into the blanket of peace
that comes from being heard.

He is a Good, Good Father.

Gratitude

Today I have Gratitude. My heart is so sadden. Why is the cry that screams from my heart. Yet I know why, evil. Evil effects us all. I want to hide. I want to pick my kids up and go home and never leave the house and yet, I leave them at school while I finish the day at work. And that evening, we leave and go out into the big world. I don't think I'm above the evil. I do think it could happen to me. And yet it didn't yesterday. I don't think it didn't because I'm special. I'm no different or any better than the families that are devastated today. Yet I have been spared this devastation. That is why I have Gratitude.
I remember as a child seeing the pictures of the starving children in other countries with their bellies protruding and wondering why was I born in America? Why wasn't I born there? Why do I not have to go through that? I remember knowing, I wasn't any different or special than they were. I remember appreciating my riches. Gratitude.
Lately, Chris and I have been going through struggles with the economy. Yet, there have been positive things happening also. Yes answers to prayers. Jobs coming in. We are still in our home. Other families through no fault of their own are losing their homes and jobs. Even though it is a struggle, we are being spared this. Why? We are not better than those other families. This is why I have Gratitude.
Gratitude- I'm not worthy of the gift yet I am SO Thankful for it. Around Thanksgiving, I was mentally struggling with the good things that were happening to me. I was so happy for them yet felt so unworthy of them. I didn't understand why God was answering yes to some of my prayers. I was thankful, but felt so unworthy. Then I heard a talk about Gratitude and understood. 
Gratitude- I'm not worthy of the gift yet I am SO Thankful for it.
Almost daily, we pray, God bring us all home safely. Today, the Gratitude overflows in my Heart.

Prayer

Some days you feel like you can conquer the world and other days you feel so overwhelmed. I think most people have more days that they feel like they are just trying to keep up than feel they are fully living. We all have so many struggles. Real Struggles. As parents things happen with our kids that we never dreamed of having to navigate let alone parent and rear a child through. As friends, we ache over happenings in life that we are powerless to do anything about. As husband or wife, we never thought we would live through that with our spouse. We never saw that coming. As a child, we never thought we would feel that hurt by our parents. We never thought life would be this hard. Yeah, we watched people as we grew up and realized there were struggles, but if I make right choices that won't happen to me. And then we became "adults". We started living life on our "own".  And somehow the hard finds us. The pain creeps in or smacks right in the face.
But what about this verse in the Bible:

John 10:10-  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Where does all this pain and having an abundant life intersect?  My husband often thanks God when he prays for life and life abundantly. I love when he does this. It brings me comfort. Why does it bring me comfort? I am trying to figure that out. Recently, I watched a sermon being preached online about prayer. It really opened my eyes to what prayer is. ( Side note here, Not long ago I started praying that God would teach me about prayer. I am always amazed at how God answers my prayers for learning about Him) In this teaching I learned that in the Lord' Prayer, it starts Our Father. First of all, I address the creator of all things as Father. Our Father which is in Heaven, hallowed be your name. OK stop here and think about all that God is. Whatever you want to say or realize that He is. For me right now, It is the creator of all things- the One who keeps everything moving and going together. Then the prayer goes on to say- Your will be done. Here is where I have to spend a lot of time praying. God's will be done. Not only His will be done, but I will be at Peace in that will. I will trust You. God already knows what I need, the stuff going on around me and what those situations need, I just need for me to Trust God. Here is where the abundant life comes in. If  I can maneuver my day knowing my God has it all under control, then I can live abundantly. 
Then we move on to asking God to provide for us. Provisions, God gives us all that we have.
And this is becoming one of my favorite parts, protect us from evil. Pray for protection from Satan and evil. Pray for yourself and those around you. Evil has touched us all and some of those we love. We ache for how evil has invaded their lives. Here is where we can pray for protection from that evil. This excites me. As I watch my children grow and real life choices face them, I take great courage that I can pray for protection from evil for them.
I'm excited about this new insight for me and I wanted to blog so I decided to share it.

Thanks for reading and may you learn to live abundantly!!!!

Husband

I was looking at pictures of me and my husband today and started thinking about how much I love him.

This picture was taken last year at Valentine's. We went to White Castle. His work was slow and this is what we could afford. It was an UnEmployment Valentines. So fun!!! I remember that night I shared with him how he was an example of Christ's love to me. Chris has taught me what it is to loved unconditionally. Seriously, he just loves me. Chris has chosen to love me and I know he always will.

This picture represents to me how he stands by me. I can't go into all the details of this situation because this is a public blog, but Chris is my #1 fan and loyal support.

And this is my absolutely silly and fun husband. Sometimes I tell him, you just ain't right while I'm laughing the whole time!! In this picture I wanted him to be serious because I wanted a romantic picture and well you see. But I love this about him. I love how he can make me laugh and laugh. He brings fun silliness to our relationship.

Well, he stood outside in freezing weather so I could see RED's Opening Day Parade! Enough said. (He isn't a Red's Fan)

This picture was taken at his Dad's cabin. We were on a hike. I enjoy his love of the outdoors and his knowledge of Ohio's nature. I like being out in nature with him and well, if you have been out in nature you know how peaceful it can be and I so enjoy sharing that with him.

This one, well the most amazing thing, 16 years of marriage!! Isn't he handsome? I'm so lucky to be his hot wife. I just can't express enough how much I love him and how loved I feel because of him. I'm one lucky and blessed person to be so loved. God made a beautiful love when he brought us together and has blessed us so much in keeping us together. Chris has had amazing patience with me as I have learned and grown. He has been an amazing spiritual leader for me. I just am amazed at how beautiful our love is.

Honey, I love you and thanks for loving me........

Relationships

Today, I'm feeling blue. I wonder how many people around me feel blue? How many of us walk through this life feeling so alone and wishing we had someone to share stuff with and yet we never reach out to each other? We stay in our box, all alone. We feel afraid that if we let others know how sad we are we will look pathetic. It is true, we humans, don't like to see people in pain. We just want happiness. Maybe we have so much pain of our own that taking on someone else's pain is just too much. But isn't pain lessened when we share it? I know for me it is. When I get to spend some time with a friend and just talk, I feel so much better. I can handle life's pressures and disappointments with a much more upbeat attitude, with a smile and contentment. This leads me to think, I was not created by God to be alone. I was created to have relationships. Oh, there is that word again. This word 'relationship' has been popping up in my life over the past year. I'm learning how very important it is. First, there is my relationship with God. I'm on a journey to understand God's Love for me. What does it mean to be loved by God? What is it to live and rest in God's love? How does that feel? What is it to be at Peace in the Love of God? What would it be like to truly believe, I do not have to perform to be accepted? My head understands all of this and believes it. I was taught it and I'm still taught it and as I stated I believe it. But when it comes to the heart and being honest, I don't live this. My heart doubts that God loves me no matter what. Now, please don't judge me for this. Honestly ask yourself, does your heart truly believe it? If you can answer yes, then I'm going to say that probably there was a point when you were brave enough to ask these same questions or similar questions and God lead you to your point of belief. I am actually excited. Because I do have enough trust in God to know that one day He will lead me to this point also.  Secondly, there is my relationship with other people. I need friends around me. People around me need me. Though I pause at this because until I trust love or the Source of love, I don't think my relationship with people around me can fulfill me or take away my blues. I need God to be my best friend and then other relationships can add to my fullness. I can't wait until I'm at that point in my life where without a doubt I can rest in love.

If you read this, thanks for taking time out of your day and I hope it directs you to seek the Source of  Love.

Stephanie

My God Story

I'm not good at blogging, but decided it was time to blog again. Someone told me some time ago that they were interested in my God story. So well, here is part of it. I started my personal relationship with God in the 5th Grade. I remember that night and when I went to bed, I had so much peace. 5th grade was a really rough year for me so having that peace that night really meant alot. Lots happened between that day and some time a couple of years ago when I prayed the prayer to God that I wanted to know the Truth. Not what I had been taught was the truth, but I wanted God to show me Truth. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was a powerful prayer. God has taught me so much in the past two years. Some of it is still between me and God, but some of it I can share. One thing, is that God began to reveal to me that I believed some lies about myself. First lie, I believed I was a failure. It was revealed to me that I subconsciously told myself throughout they day that I was failing. If I saw the dishes in the sink, I would think if I was better, those would be done. Dirty house, if I was better, it would be clean. Laundry, if I better used my time, it would be done. I told myself constantly that I was failing. I remember the day, I realized that I did this. I made a plan. The next time I saw the pile of laundry, I would say," Look how full my life is that I have all this laundry and how much fuller is my life that I am so busy with my life that I don't have time to do it" You get the idea. I have kids and a husband and a full life. So much love fills my life that I don't have time to do the laundry, dishes, etc. Don't get me wrong, I do laundry and dishes, but when I see they need done, I don't tell myself if you were better those would be done. This was huge for me. I am not a failure!!!
But God wasn't done, He soon revealed that I believed I was an inconvenience. This lead to alot of agruements with my husband. I believed what I wanted wasn't important to other people. I put this belief on my husband and treated him like it was true. Boy would we argue. Yes, I remember the night this came to a head and I remember, when I realized I believed I was an inconvenience. And then I remember, when I realized it wasn't true. I'm not an inconvenience. I'm important and people really do like me.
Realizing that I'm not an inconvenience nor a failure, well that changed my life. As with any lesson we learn, sometimes I have to remember this.
God has also taught me other things. I've learned lessons about the 10 commandments, the Sabbath and that God is all about relationships. Mine and God's relationship and relationships with other people.
I'm so excited that God is still teaching me truth.

Beach Part of Vacation

And we begin the ocean part of our vacation. This part was much more relaxing!

When we first got there, we went to eat at Johnny Rockets.

I was enjoying my book. I was so excited to have time to read and relax.

We finally made it to the water!!!!!!!

Chris absolutely loves the ocean. He was so excited to play football with the kids in the ocean.

This is a picture of our resort. We stayed right on the beach.

Building a fort in the sand.

Then we built one to decorate with seaweed.

After playing at the beach the kids wanted to get in the hot tub. This was so important to them.

Then movie time. They had quite the setup. However, Taty wasn't too keen about sleeping on the couch. When we got to our hotel on the way home, she was so happy to have a "real bed"

Our first night there we ate at a local place. We fed the fish over this railing. It was pretty neat to throw a fry over and watch the fish devour it.

This was the pool at our resort.  That is my sweet boy with his goggles on! Isn't he too cute?

It started pouring outside so we had to go the indoor pool.

I love him!

We took a walk on the beach at night. This was so fun.  

They love each other! The really do.

I love this picture!

Taty tried to take our picture. She just couldn't get one to turn out.

We rode the Ferris Wheel. Christian is so afraid of heights!

Taty loves heights!

Daddy is afraid of heights too!

We are the adventrous ones!

Isn't this just a beautiful picture? Our God is so Awesome! He loves us so much!

We went shopping! A chocolate sand dollar.

Chocolate Race Car. Did it taste that bad?

Florida Flowers

Our Resort was on the other side of this bridge.

Some pictures of our shopping trip.

Some Ocean Football Fun!

 Crashing Wave.

Daddy would throw the football right as a wave would hit them.!

I love my family!

My favorite restaurant to eat at was Bubba Gump's Shrimp. I love that place!

Make your own Sundaes!

The morning we left, we got up early to watch the Sunrise over the Ocean.

Taty wanted to see a Sunset on the Ocean; however, we were on the wrong side. So she had to settle for a Sunrise.  She still wants to see a sunset.