I married my husband 15 years ago. We were excited about adult life and beginning the American dream; however, life didn't allow that. We were infertile! Such a small sentence so full of so much pain. It is so simple to write but represents so much. I remember that day we got the call. The desperation that yes we had problems, but hope, it was treatable. But are bodies did not respond to the treatment. We both felt stupid and less than everybody else. We definetly saw the unfair side of life. Why can they have kids but we can't? My husband once described it as our child died every month. I in no way mean to equate our pain with the pain of losing a child one has loved, but it goes to describe how we felt. We didn't amount to as much as everybody else. The house was so quite. All our dreams were crashing and it HURT SO MUCH! We would have to avoid mother's day and father's day. We would just not go to church that Sunday. And as our brother and sister began to have children, well, we could barely go on. We were so desperate we actually started plans to move to Hawaii. If we couldn't have kids, we didn't want to live in our house or Cincinnati where we were constantly reminded of the dream we had planned. I open this door to our pain to share with you that in this time, I learned what it was to be comforted by God without getting what you want. I remember feeling like He was wrapping His arms around me. I remember getting the strength to get through that day or that moment. It wasn't pretty, but so many times since then I am comforted by the fact that I know God can comfort me. We are amazing people for having lived through that and survived to the wonderful people we are today. We aren't amazing- God is! It is a testimony to His amazing love, strength and comfort. I plan to post more of my journey later, but for now I leave you with verses from Psalm 91 which was so precious to me during this time of infertily.
Psalm 91:
He who rests in the shadow of the Most High God will be kept safe by the Mighty One. I will say about the Lord, He is my place of safety. He is like a fort to me. He is my God. I trust in Him. He will certainly save you from hidden traps and from deadly sickness. He will cover you with his wings. Under the feathers of his wings you will find safety. He is faithful. He will keep you safe like a shield or a tower. You won't have to be afraid of the terrors that come during the night. You won't have to fear the arrows that come at you during the day. You won't have to be afraid of the sickness that attacks in the darkness. You won't have to fear the plague that destroys at noon.
A thousand may fall dead at your side, Ten thousand may fall near you right hand. BUT no harm will come to you..... The Lord is the one who keeps you safe. So let the Most High God be like a home to you..... The Lord will command his angels to take good care of you. They will lift you up in their hands. Then you won't trip over a stone.......
The LORD says, I will save the one who loves me. I will keep him safe, because he trusts in me. He will call out to me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in time of trouble( This is so true) I will save him and honor him. I will give him a long and full life. I will save him.
I will Rest in the Place of the Most High
